she has always wanted to carve her own path…

I have been avoiding excessive social interaction lately due to a sudden aversion to ‘friendly’ opinions. I find expectations a daunting aspect of life. Back in my insecure teenage years, my Mother found it incredibly frustrating that I felt the need to meet ‘social’ standards so closely. She held onto high hopes of me not absorbing the judgemental words of others, willing me to be whoever I wished to become. The concept was lost on me during those naive years, when I grasped to the belief that I needed to be the picture of perfection in everyone’s eyes, otherwise happiness would evade me.

This need has evolved as I matured, after moving away from our small town, I learned the importance of taking what I wanted in life, and escaping the over zealous recommendations of others. Although I have released myself from immersing my mind in assumptions, I still feel a yearning for approval. Often my solution is to isolate the boy and I, ignoring anything that may puncture the safe bubble. I dodge opinions on our lifestyle, ‘career’ goals, avoidance of order, and even fashion choices. We are all programmed to have our own ideal, and mine is incredibly unique. I have never felt the need to follow the expected path, be an adult in the most boring way. I don’t posses a savings account, have absolutely no urge to invest, often sleep until noon, never plan anything more than two weeks in advance, most likely will be 20 minutes late, and have no idea where I will be this time next year. I take life one day at a time, fulfilling my needs for the present. I never fear the future, I embrace it. A five year plan is not necessary to know I will be happy in five years.